Weekly Forecast: March 4-10

Build something beautiful, leave what's gone behind.

Sometimes we don't know we're over something until we've moved past it. It's a bit of emotional jet lag. Life can propel us into whole new timezones and catching up requires some gentle acclimation. 

This week's reading gives us both the magic and splendor of building and choosing grander paths along with the bittersweet realization that we can now see some things that don't work. There's a sense of balance here - between the beauty of what's new and the sadness of moving beyond something we wish could've worked out for the better.

What's more, the joy and satisfaction of the week is upping the contrast. Seeing how good we can have it shows us how insufficient some aspects of our past situation really were. Above all, our challenge is to celebrate the new, keep working towards what we want, and give ourselves plenty of time to process and mourn what we're leaving behind. 

But let's get back to the magic, shall we, because this is the true heart of the reading. We're dealing with the Three of Pentacles, a card of diligence and creativity, and The Lovers, whose romantic and complex meaning serves as the major focus of this week.

We can really pat ourselves on the back right now, even if it seems premature or foolhardy. Whether we can see it clearly or not, the choices we've been making to shape our lives are bringing us towards a very new and somewhat wild change. The Lovers shows us the boldness and vision that's required to make a choice just for us. Listening to our desires, taking them seriously, and then daring to do something about it? It's not small stuff, that's for sure.

Fortunately, we're taking baby steps towards this goal, hence the grounded Three of Pentacles. This shows us that any work we do in real life is paving the way for future openness and opportunity. Which is a nice way to balance the sometimes-intimidating nature of The Lovers. 

So stay your course as you keep at it this week. Trust in the process and know that the grand vision isn't necessarily a specific goal, but a situation where you feel as in love with your life as the passion shown in The Lovers. This can come with a great deal of surprise - we're often shocked by what really gets us going! - and is completely and utterly centered around what we want, societal norms or pre-packaged life trajectories be damned.  

Make room for the sadness, too. When we realize life can be bigger than we thought, the smallness we're leaving behind is especially tender and poignant. Feeling it connects us with our past experiences even more so that we can keep expanding and know the pieces of life that are no longer for us. 

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Weekly Forecast: February 25 - March 3

This week's energy combines the dreaminess of imagination with the refreshing clarity of decisiveness. Rarely are such crowd-pleasing cards seen in the same spread: the gorgeous cups with the charismatic Queen of Wands. So what does it all mean?

Well, for starters there's a distinct order to these cards, and it's one that might feel a bit indulgent at first glance. This week the Ace of Cups is leading the way and it's our job to follow its effusive and nurturing example. 

When we see aces in any reading it's a welcome sign that a gift is entering our lives. This gift can be literal, but more often than not it's more of a shift in focus and mood. The Ace of Cups centers around the joy and inspiration that arises from authentic and loving connections. What more beautiful way to illustrate this than a cup overflowing into a fountain of water with a chipper bluebird and stunning lotus floating above?

There's certainly an element of good luck to the aces, and that requires us being brave enough to reach out and claim the good fortune that's coming our way. Since this bit of bliss is tied to the cups, we need to be especially alert for any negative self-talk around emotions. The only enemy to the bounty of the aces is our inability to welcome them into our lives.,

If we feel undeserving or blocked, we risk blocking this welcome and important change. A shadow side to this ace is that when we let go and accept goodness - allowing ourselves to feel excited or joyful - we can sometimes open the door to other feelings as well. As a wise man once told me, tears are just drops of water moving freely. Feeling our feelings without judgment is one of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves. And leaning into them is opening up a huge range of possibilities.

So let things be sweet and tender this week. Notice how it makes you feel to look at life as if it's supporting you, not fighting against you. And adopt a healthy dose of romantic whimsy. The Ace of Cups is leading to the Seven of Cups, one of my favorite trickster cards. Here, we see a massive creative outburst. Where we once felt stuck we now see a glimmering array of choices, paths, and options.

This can be as delightful as it is destabilizing. How on earth do we choose? But before we rush into decision-making we can learn a lot from observing and exploring. What is tickling our fancy, after all? And how did we get to a place where the world seems to bloom with options? It's worth remembering what brought us here so we can call upon the same forces when we feel stuck in the future. Digging a little deeper can give us insight into the conditions we need to thrive.

Most importantly, however, this week is teaching us about the pivotal role of inspiration in our lives. Opening up and following what makes our heart sing through the Ace of Cups is opening up a whole new vista. And while the cups often get pigeonholed into themes of romance, they also have a beautiful lesson about connectivity and personal fulfillment. Following what's emotionally satisfying and invigorating can be shockingly effective. After all, our reason often catches up after the fact.

Which, for the impatient among us, is where the Queen of Wands comes in. This card brings some gravitas to the first two. Seeing her shows us that this moment, though we might think of it as a bit too far-fetched or veering away from the practical/responsible, is a key part of our process right now. We have to follow our hearts to know what to do next.

The Queen of Wands is a card of passionate decisiveness. She acts with energy and is unapologetic about following her path. Like her, we conclude the week feeling secure in our next moves, not because they make complete logical sense or sound impressive to others, but because we took the time to identify what we truly love. What's more certain or inspiring than that?

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Why I Don't Read with Reversals

I get this question a lot from students: Do I really need to read with reversals?

For those of you not up on the tarot-speak, reversals are reversed tarot cards. When you shuffle the deck, cards inadvertently get turned upside down. Those who read with reversals keep their cards in this position and interpret them differently than if they were upright.

Add learning these meanings on top of the 78 upright cards and… well, I can see how it gets overwhelming fast.

And here’s the thing. Although I learned how to read with reversals, I actually stopped including them in my readings about ten years into my practice. Here’s why:

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they didn’t add nuance

Tarot readings are, in my opinion, centered around building detail and deeper understanding around a present situation. I found that reversed cards act more like a period than a question mark, discouraging elaboration, engagement, and detail.

they didn’t align with my tarot philosophy

One of the things I love most about tarot is that it encompasses all the facets of the human experience: the mundane and the divine, the beautiful and the ugly, the challenging and the flowing. (And everything in between.) So many reversed meanings involve looking at the “negative,” blocked, or repressed version of the upright card. I’m not one to look at the world in terms of good and bad (I find it reductive and, to be frank, boring) and prefer to let my intuition and the card positions determine the expression of the card at hand.

So, rather than having the Chariot, reversed tell me that ambition is blocked or thwarted, I’d rather see if The Chariot is in dialogue with, say, the Five of Swords to come to that conclusion. This approach, I find is more based in storytelling, intuition, and complexity which is much more up my alley.

they didn’t make my readings flow

When it comes to building your unique tarot practice and tarot style, there’s nothing more important than flow. When we enter into our intuitive voice we can meander and explore things freely. For me, reversed cards stymied my intuition and effectively made my readings stutter and falter. They just weren’t aligning and actually hindered my readings rather than making them flourish.

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Of course, many people find reversals open up a whole new world of detail and make their readings sing. If you’re one of those people, that’s absolutely wonderful. Please use reversals with wild abandon and enjoy!

But if you just can’t get into those upside down cards, have no fear. Your tarot practice is meant to amplify and celebrate your intuition, not bog it down. We all have unique approaches to the cards and you’re more than free to take or leave whatever you like as you continue to learn about the cards.

Weekly Forecast: February 18-24

We have the unique opportunity this week to mull over some important decisions. Now is not a time for speed, trust falls into the universe, or rash actions. Rather, any powerful feelings around change are merited and useful. So long as we don't let them become paralyzing, that is. And the good news is that we have plenty of time. 

With Justice and Judgment bookending the seemingly passive Seven of Pentacles, one could look at this week's spread and see us being hemmed in by epic experiences and realizations:

Is the principled action bringing us to a pivotal and momentous change? Do we need a kick in the pants to move us from the introspection and critique of the Seven of Pentacles and into the sometimes-jarring "a-ha" moment of Judgment?

It's not quite as simple, and the key card here is not one of the Major Arcana. Instead, it's the placid Seven of Pentacles: we are holding the reins (or, in this case, hoe) and we have time to examine our past choices so that we can listen to our inner voice moving forward.

It's not a glamorous moment, but it's one where we can do some important work that will make things so much easier down the road. Because taking stock and peering closer at the everyday brings us closer to our own experience. That way, when we have to make changes or figure out what we really want, we have actual evidence to call upon. Not the alluring bombast of these Major Arcana cards, but real insight into our human experience. What we need right now is a loving gaze into who we are and what we've done so far.

In the story of these cards we can see that our current situation is the result of a period of hard work. What's more, it's hard work driven by important ideals and values. We were planed and principled, fully inhabiting the role of Justice, and now the data is in. Whatever we've been cultivating has sprouted, grown, and borne fruit. 

Our task now is to take a look at what we've cultivated - what's worked, what hasn't, and how we've felt about the whole process. We're not after a big epiphany and we can do ourselves a favor by striping away any judgment and pressure. Our challenge here is to see things for what they are as well as our role in creating our current situation. 

As we peer into what's actually happening we can see what it's done for us and, perhaps, who we've become throughout the process. Some of what we find may be surprising and it's our job to value each discovery equally. Maybe something that's going smashingly doesn't resonate with us at all. Maybe a certain task we though would be dull is actually enrapturing and fun. 

Underneath all this examination and circling back to our personal experience lies a valuable intuitive message. It's as if we're archaeologists, carefully brushing away dust and debris on a normal looking patch of earth to slowly reveal something unknown and important. This would be our Judgment moment, that time when our intuitive voice becomes loud an unmistakable. 

So this week we can patiently take stock and see what feels authentic and what doesn't, trusting that we're working towards the clarity of Judgement and that we don't need to rush. Intuition and guidance can be hiding in plain sight and sometimes our task is to gently tease it out and give it room to speak more loudly.

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What Decks Should You Have as a Beginner?

I get this question a lot from new students and it makes sense. There are so many tarot decks out there and, for someone new to the game, this is massively overwhelming. I’m still overwhelmed by it and I’ve been reading for 18 years!

This all depends on which system you’re using, so if you’re reading with the Rider-Waite-Smith tradition stick in that realm first until you become proficient, and the same goes for the Marseilles or Thoth traditions as well. This way you won’t get confused when jumping between two of three schools of thought. Each branch of tarot has its own associations, meanings, and techniques. I highly recommend keeping it simple to start with so that you can get a solid foundation before experimenting in other tarot pastures.

Once you’ve decided which style of tarot you’d like to focus on I recommend getting two decks:

Your primary deck - the “old faithful” tarot you simply love. Choose something that jumps out to you and makes your heart sing. If you don’t love it, you won’t use it, and your tarot practice will be short-lived.

A secondary deck from the same tradition - i.e. if you get The Fountain Tarot, a deck based on the Rider-Waite-Smith, then do pick up a copy of that deck! Having the original at hand is a wonderful resource. If you don’t love the artwork or aren’t resonating with the Rider-Waite-Smith, then getting another deck is still advised, just make sure it’s structured similarly.

Why do this?

I’ve found that having a second deck to compare and contrast with your first is helpful for many reasons.

1. If you’re stuck on a card you can look at another artist’s interpretation which can jumpstart your intuition.

2. Looking at other versions of the same card can deepen your connection with it and stretch your intuition to new places.

3. Some modern decks are more tenuously tied to the symbolism and meaning of the older decks. So someone who makes a Rider-Waite based deck might take creative license and, say, draw a choppy lake for the Three of Swords instead of the classic three swords piercing a red heart. Having the original deck allows you to reference these older images which were created specifically for divination. That is, you have much more of a sense for the cards meaning with the stabby heart than the choppy sea.

Weekly Forecast: February 11-17

Well, well this is an absolutely fascinating combination of cards! What is it about the focused diligence of the Eight of Coins that's bringing on the creative insight of The Magician and The High Priestess?

How can toiling at our workbench usher in and activate profound inner growth and change?

Oftentimes we pair work with drudgery. We clock in, work, and clock out. Our efforts become the means to an ends. And that end is money. Hardly the stuff of transcendence or inspiration.

Unless you have a job that's creatively activating and inspiring, in which case, congratulations! Yet even there we can become hemmed in by the restrictive definitions of work that abound in our culture. Even being a professional tarot reader, while so personally and spiritually gratifying, involves tax preparation and bookkeeping - tasks that do not ignite my creative spirit, to say the least.

But that's not what we're dealing with here, and for those of us who aren't so lit up by our jobs, this reading is talking about work in a broader sense. What have you been consistently striving towards and devoting your time and effort to? The coins/pentacles refer to the material world, after all. What have you been growing, caring for, and honoring with daily attention and commitment? 

Here, we see that being engaged with something we care about and showing up to make sure it succeeds can propel us into a delightful state of focus. Work doesn't just have to be our jobs, it can be a special sense of honor and obligation towards something we know we need to do. A calling, perhaps, if you're into that language, or simply an action that centers you and makes you feel purposeful and connected to your world. 

Whatever that is for you, this week is a time to lavish that project, role, or act with all the attention and dedication you can muster. It's not going to be a chore in the least bit and you'll know it because it feels good. What's more, this natural motivation is jump-starting a new period of self-discovery. We're stumbling into a rebirth of sorts - something we're already doing is connecting to a deep part of our personality that's ready and raring to go.

The Magician reflects this energy and inspiration. The first stop on the Fool's Journey through the Major Arcana, The Magician is all about seeing yourself as the protagonist of your own adventure. Willfulness, innovation, experimentation, and creativity swirl around this card with so much charisma. Paired with the Eight of Pentacles, it's as if we've been practicing for a new role subconsciously only to realize that the curtain has risen and here we are, already doing it in the great big world.

This is a wonderful type of transition - we already have the skills, we don't need to prepare, and we're already here - that has set off a long-awaited transformation. Going from card number 1 (The Magician) to card number 2 (The High Priestess) only accentuates the power and momentum that's being unleashed. Which is good news, because we don't need to do much here aside from recognizing that we're onto something personally meaningful.

The High Priestess encourages us to take some time after the lightening jolt of The Magician, the period when we look up from our workbenches to see that we've created something glorious that's asking more of us - to do some internal processing. We need to digest the information that's come from recent events so that we can integrate it into our understanding of ourselves. 

Otherwise we'll rush ahead and become burnt out and overwhelmed. And this change is far too important to fizzle out so unceremoniously.

Speaking of ceremonies, this card also asks us to do some work to value and consecrate our knowledge and instincts. Look back on whatever you've been dedicating your time to, that Eight of Pentacles experience, and see how your intuition led you there. Maybe you couldn't see it at the time, but now its the opportunity to identify and celebrate how you followed your inner voice to something important and kept on going even though it was challenging and difficult.

Spending time reflecting and understanding will help elevate our intuition and inner-knowledge to a place of honor. That way we can value, trust, and respect it as we continue to grow into this period of change and self-confidence.

Whatever you're doing to put yourself in the Eight of Pentacles mindset, keep at it and see how it challenges your ideas of who you are and what you're capable of. After all, vision and intuition paired with doing the actual work? It might just be the true recipe for success, and personally meaningful success at that. 

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Setting Intentions with Tarot

The Eight of Cups from the Spolia Tarot occupying its place of honor on my altar for February’s intention: Liberation

It’s the new moon in Aquarius and I’ve just launched the first episode of my new podcast , Open Magic, with the amazing Bri Sikorski of Tadpole Magic. Our first topic? Intention setting, particularly the ways we can harness intentions to invite in the change and growth we need.

And, as you may have already guessed, one of my favorite ways of doing this is with tarot. Shocking, I know!

In the episode we touch on how intentions can sometimes become hijacked by more intense goals, inviting in stodgy and limiting pressure and self-judgment. Which is really and truly no fun at all. I’ve found, however, that tarot’s symbols and imagery gives us a direct line of communication with our intuition and subconscious, skipping the irksome worry and chatter of our conscious thoughts. In this way, intention setting can become energizing and personally motivating, no guilt required.

Using tarot for intention setting invites in the two major facets of the practice at its best:

• Inspiration/Intuition: The tarot images we work with speak directly to our creative side, sidestepping the tricky and judgmental conscious mind. Tarot activates our intention with that bubbling & irresistible energy, inspiring us instead of crushing us under “shoulds” or expectations.

• Room for the Unexpected: The secret ingredient to any intention is plenty of room for growth. That is, we can focus on a theme or ask for something, but we don’t always have the ability to conceptualize the full potential available to us. The intention can then expand into something outlandishly amazing or more complex than we’re able to envision. Working with tarot involves working with multifaceted archetypes that aren’t easily pigeonholed, giving us the room we need for our intentions to flourish.

So how do we go about this?

Since setting intentions is about choice - what do we want to focus on or invite into our lives? - I love actively selecting a card from the deck. I first heard of this practice from the amazing Siobhan Renee of Radical Tarot and have been using it in my readings ever since. (See her posts on the topic on her website and the now retired Little Red Tarot blog.)

When it comes to intention setting, I’ve found that selecting a card after you’ve decided on your focus is the most helpful. It allows you to be actively engaged and opens up the power of the tarot. I’ve outlined my personal practice for selecting tarot cards for intention setting here. I do hope they’re helpful and inspiring as you work with this new moon’s energy and beyond!

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how to use tarot cards to focus your intentions

create your space

Set aside a nice bit of time to devote to your intention. Has rushing ever felt magical? I don’t think so! Get as elaborate or minimalist as you like, paying attention to what puts you in a calm and focused headspace. It could be incense, crystals, peaceful music… even a ceremonial robe if you’re feeling fancy. Or it could simply be a quiet corner in your house with no distractions. Intentions are all about you, so don’t hold yourself to others’ standards!

focus your thoughts

Once you’ve gotten cozy, close your eyes and breathe deeply. Take several breaths to sink deeper into your body, allowing all the chatter about your schedule, what to cook for dinner, and all the details of your mundane life to fall away. Once you feel centered, ask yourself what to set your intention around. Notice and feelings, words, phrases, or images that arise. Tip: Don’t overthink things - you can always shape your intention more later.

process & hone

Conclude your brief period of reflection and go over what came up for you. You may want to journal about it or simply mull things over with an open and flexible mind. Select a single word to form your intention, being sure that it feels authentic and resonant for you.

bring out the cards!

It’s finally tarot time. Take your deck and flip through it while holding your intention in your mind. Divide the deck into two piles: one for the cards that resonate with your intention and another for the ones that don’t. Go with your instincts here and try not to overthink things.

Once you’ve gone through the whole deck, return to the pile of resonant cards. Lay them all out and select the one that best encompasses your intention. Don’t worry if you’re not entirely sure why, that’s part of the magic of leaving space for mystery and your subconscious. Congratulations, you’ve chosen your intention card!

edit & explore

Gaze at your card with curiosity, noticing how it makes you feel. Does it bring up any memories or associations? Note if the card challenges your intention slightly. If so, see how you might edit your word or phrasing to better fit what’s coming up for you.

bring it into real life

Now that your card & intention have been selected you can conclude your session and focus on letting things unfold. Place the card in a visible location - on your altar, bedside table, etc. - or bring it with you in your wallet or purse.

Return to your card as often as you’d like, exploring its illustrations and paying special attention to the symbols. Look out for them as you go about business as usual. The whole idea is to let the card encompass the energy of your intention so that you can use it as a reference point.

One of my favorite ways of doing this is using its energy to inspire my actions. Though it sounds a bit cheesy, the “what would the _____ do?” approach is wonderfully helpful. So, for example, say I chose Strength as my card to reflect an intention of self-care. I can use it to orient my thinking and decision making so that when someone asks me to make plans I don’t really have time for I can think “what would Strength do?” and feel empowered to lovingly decline so that I can give myself the downtime I need.

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I hope this approach is helpful and inspiring as you develop an intention setting practice that works for you. How about you? How do you focus your intentions? Have you ever used tarot in this way? I’d love to hear your thoughts and practices so please share below and happy intention setting!

Weekly Forecast: February 4-10

I like to think of the Aces as seeds. They appear in your life with natural excitement. You can feel their potential as they move closer, starting first as a glimmering idea in the distance - maybe like one of those charming seed catalogs with vintage illustrations - and transforming into a very real thing, young and curled up tightly in the palm of your hand. 

You know that if you plant the seed it will, with patient tending and care, grow into the beautiful plant on the package, and this week has the same feeling of delight. Something important has arrived and now has a tangible presence in our life. It's as if we planned out a dream garden, circling each plant in the catalog, and our order has finally arrived on the doorstep as the Ace of Pentacles.

Think of the feeling of anticipation - what is making you feel lit up, excited, and maybe even a little bit nervous? This Ace is one that's rooted in the everyday. This change we're hoping to cultivate requires a shift in our life and, what's more, it's something we deeply and truly want. 

And that's where The Devil comes in.

This figure, while initially frightening, has an impish quality about him. This version of The Devil, from the Pagan Other worlds Tarot, strikes me as particularly earthy - the same element as the pentacles. It's as if we're traipsing around with our new seed in hand, ready to make the commitment and plant it in our garden, and this irritating little goblin pops out from behind a rock to scare us. 

And here's another thing about seeds. We have to care for them, especially if we want them to grow into a majestic vine as shown in the Nine of Pentacles, the potential future that The Devil is blocking. 

Something about this new opportunity is triggering some deep-seated fears and doubts.  Because why on earth would something as intense as The Devil show up in response to a puny seed? 

When we look at the pentacles they reflect not only the idea of material and physical comfort, but the glowing reality of having a life that supports us and ushers in fulfillment and abundance. This takes investment in our self-worth and the bravery of asking for more. It shows us not settling for the bare minimum and daring to live bright lives that can grow into gardens beyond our imagination.

So that's why The Devil is so intent on squashing this seemingly-simple Ace. He knows that if we take the time to nurture this seed it will change our lives, make it better, and therefore challenge our long-held assumptions about ourselves: what we're capable of, what we can have, and who we can be. 

What's unique about this reading is that the Nine of Pentacles is in sight. We're aware of what lies on the other side and this shows us just how much work we've been doing to push ourselves to expand and test the limits of what we think is possible. Think back to past changes in your life that you've embraced and compare them to what you're facing now. What more do you know about your strength and power? How has The Devil of your self doubt faded and grown smaller?

This week, The Devil is a shade of his former self - more of a little goblin to flick aside and maybe even pat on the head lovingly, if we can muster the compassion, than a muscular and formidable being. And, indeed, as we travel through life our goal isn't to squash out The Devil we carry with us. This card arises from a distorted urge to protect ourselves, but it's no true help when we're protecting ourselves from success.

And so the Nine of Pentacles urges us to see how good a job we've done at channeling our Devil instincts for maintaining the status quo by breaking ourselves down with negative self-talk & blame into patience and calm. The hooded falcon perched atop the vine of pentacles shows us how  our devils can be transformed into helpful allies. 

Our instincts for self-preservation are slowly learning how to rest. Like the falcon, The Devil needs time to be trained into welcome submission. It must be exhausting running around squishing newly planted seeds and sabotaging our gardening efforts! Though the process is slow, we've come a long way getting to understand our aversion to success and instinct for self-sabotage.

This week is a time to mindfully calm our Devil-nature, knowing they are soon to be channeled into a well-behaved companion. And, most importantly, to continue with the work of valuing and working towards our goals because, as the Nine of Pentacles shows us, they're leading to some serious and wonderful abundance. The seeds we're planting are too beautiful to neglect, so let's get to the rewarding work of valuing and tending to our growth.

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Migraines & The Tower

A few days ago I was watching TV with my husband (why yes, it was the Fyre Festival documentary - why can’t I get enough of that trainwreck?) when I noticed an odd shimmer at the corner of my eye. It was late at night, so I figured I was just tired. But it suck around, following me wherever I looked, and a sinking feeling in my stomach took over. I knew what this was: a migraine.

I’ve been getting migraines since college and, while the debilitating pain has decreased over the years, I still get the full-blown aura effect, followed by days of disorientation, fatigue, and a throbbing, persistent headache. Over the next 24-hours I had four episodes, the most in recent memory. Clearly, my plans for the next few days would have to be put on the backburner.

I pulled the blinds, popped a few painkillers, and settled in for the long-haul.

When I first started getting these headaches I was massively upset by them. There’s no way around it: they’re really and truly terrible. I had never experienced a health issue that completely incapacitated me before. Sick days? Who needs them! Time off? No thank you, I’ll just keep going!

Well, that was certainly the old Gina. I prided myself in being a person who kept going no matter what. Migraines forced me to see the limits to my strength and accept my helplessness in the face of physical suffering. I simply couldn’t function when half my vision was a blurred mess and my head hurt so much I had to bite my pillow.

In many ways migraines are like The Tower. I’m even laughing a little as I type this because it works so well and I’ve never thought of it until now. You have the jagged bolt of lightning (the headache!) striking the top of the tower (the head!), sending the body crashing to the ground along with its two inhabitants.

The image perfectly captures the terror when something outside of our control wreaks havoc on our lives. It’s jarring, upsetting, and abrupt.

And what’s more, despite all our planning, the goals and aspirations of our conscious mind are helpless in the face of intense physical suffering.

And, hoo boy, does this mess with our deeply entrenched ideas of productivity and self-worth!

Like The Tower, this process is not at all dignified, at least in my experience. I raged against my physical limitations at first, trying to push through the issue. The migraine won. I let myself get consumed with guilt: who am I if I can’t do things? Don’t I have to constantly be proving my worth? The migraine still won.

And, oddly enough, once the dust settled the only thing to really crumble were these stale thoughts. My health recovers as does my ability to be productive. The only difference is that I’ve been forced to see my true vulnerability and accept that so much of life is outside my control.

Through my experiences with migraines I’ve realized that I don’t have to go around making things happen in my life through sheer force, much like old Atlas holding the world on my shoulders. Things go along fine without me and people still love me without having to prove my worth. I can be a quivering blob for a few days and everything’s still okay. My only job, then, is to just be there for myself - to be present in the fall from The Tower with all the gentleness and acceptance I can muster. After all, I can’t do anything to change what’s happening, but I sure can make it more pleasant for myself by focusing on the reality of the situation instead of fighting against it.

So this time I sighed and let the whole experience take its course. I set aside my long to-do list and simply rested, trusting that I’d be back to my healthy self soon enough. And while it wasn’t ideal and certainly didn’t feel pleasant, I was grateful for the opportunity to just be there for myself: to feel my body, care for myself in the most basic ways (lots of water, a warm shower), and let my support network step up.

Now, on the other end, I feel oddly refreshed. My Tower experience hasn’t brought down my entire world, rather it’s reminded me of how delicate and special it is. With this newfound appreciation I feel eager to ease back into things and motivated to balance my energy with plenty of rest and gentleness, no lightning bolt required.

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Some questions for working with The Tower

• What change outside of my control is frightening me?

• How can I be present for myself during this experience?

• What control am I afraid of losing?

• What’s the worst that can happen? Is is really happening?

• How do I actually feel right now?

• What kindness & softness can I give to myself right now? How can I reach out to others?

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